By Kayla Koslosky, Crosswalk.com
Editor’s Note: Crosswalk's Singles Advice is a weekly advice column for singles featuring an anonymous question from a Crosswalk.com reader with a thoughtful, biblical reply from one of our single editors.
So, I met this guy last year on a train station. We passed each other every day, I started to crush, and then I felt a connection. There were times when I saw him looking at me with this special look; he rarely makes eye contact or looks when I'm not looking. His friend greets me, and they always stare at me. Once he sat next to me but didn't say anything. I feel something for him…is that possible if we haven't even spoken? I can't get him off my mind because we are in the same area every day. How do I move on from him, because I'm not sure if he will ever make a move? Is this all in my head?
Be brave and start a conversation.
First things first: next time you see him, try sparking up a conversation with him. Now, I’m not saying to ask him out, because Biblically speaking (at least from my understanding) the man should initiate the asking out part of dating. But I definitely think it is okay to say hello.
It seems to me like maybe you both have some sort of curiosity about each other, but you might both be afraid to say something. If this is the case for you, try stepping outside of your comfort zone – as difficult as it may be – and say hello.
I will caution you, however – he is a stranger. You don’t know who he is or anything about him except perhaps when and where he gets on and off of the train. That being said, speaking to each other on a public train is a relatively safe way to start a conversation.
Of course, if at some point this does turn into a romantic situation and he asks you out, my general rule of thumb is to meet up in a public place like a restaurant or a mini-golf course.
Examine if your feelings align with your principles.
Second, I might ask myself to think about the type of feelings I have for this man. Do you feel as if you could have real feelings for him or do you think you may have feelings for the idea of him?
For me, I know I can get caught up in the mystery of a potential new relationship, but there are some key things that I need to know about a man before I decide to court or be in a relationship with him.
For example, the Bible encourages us to not be in “unequally yoked” relationships. It’s hard to know if you and the mystery train guy would be equally yoked since you haven’t gotten to know each other yet.
“Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness? What accord has Christ with Belial? Or what portion does a believer share with an unbeliever?”
Trust God if you decide to move on.
If moving on is the move you desire, allow yourself some time. To be perfectly honest, I myself am not the best at moving on from my feelings either, even when I know it’s the best thing for me to do.
What I have found has helped me is time and distance. Of course, you all may be taking the same train at the same time out of necessity, but if you have the option to take a different train maybe think about doing that to give yourself some room to let go of these feelings.
If taking a different train is not an option for you, try sitting further away from him or bring something with you like a book or a magazine to try to take your mind off of him.
Also, I will always recommend praying when it comes to questions that we have in our lives. For me, this is my go-to when I am seeking clarity and guidance on new situations.
Kayla Koslosky loves her faith journey as a Christian single and is the News Editor for ChristianHeadlines.com. Kayla has worked as a mentor for college leaders offering them advice and assistance throughout their leadership journeys, led a women's Bible study, and wrote an advice column for her college’s Yellow Jacket Newspaper.
Disclaimer: any single editor replying to reader questions through this advice column is a Christian seeking God's direction through his Word. We are not trained psychologists or licensed professionals. As we explore issues with you, we will seek God's guidance through prayer and the Bible.
Have a question? If you have a question about anything related to living the single life, please email [email protected] (selected questions will be addressed anonymously). While we cannot answer every question, we hope you'll find encouragement in this column.
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