Developing an Honorable Lifestyle pt. 2

Guest (Male): Hello and welcome to Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard. His message is coming right up, but before we get to that today, I want to share a conversation I once had with Pastor Paul about just how important you can be today. I once asked him what he would say to you or listening friends and partners if he could visit with you in person. Here's what he said.
Paul Sheppard: I want them to know your partnership is very, very important and necessary. When you think about it, starting way back, I'm thinking about Moses, he could not have been Moses without the partners God gave him. God raised up Joshua. The Bible called Joshua Moses' minister before it called him God's minister. And Joshua was one of those key people. Aaron, his brother was one of his key partners. Every man or woman of God since then, all the way into, of course, when you get to the ministry of Jesus, Jesus himself required partnership. Isn't that amazing that the God-man needed partners? He took Peter, James, and John farther into the garden of Gethsemane. And he said, "Just stay here and watch with me," and he cried and poured out his heart to get ready for that moment when he would lay down his life for us. And he needed that partnership. He had Peter, James, and John. He also had Mary, Martha, and Lazarus. Then when you look at the apostles, there is no Paul without Timothy, without Silas, without Barnabas. And it on and on. All of us need partners. So the bottom line is, I'm so grateful for every man, woman, boy, and girl who has become a partner for our ministry so you can keep on providing this platform so that we can reach even more people for the Lord Jesus Christ.
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Paul Sheppard: Don't let anger fester. Don't let it go unresolved, because when anger goes unresolved, it tends to take you into inappropriate thoughts and actions and what have you. Don't let it fester. That's where the danger is when you're not properly handling your current, present-tense anger.
Guest (Male): It's never easy to be angry without sinning. But when we allow anger to fester, it makes an already tough command that much tougher. On today's Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard, you'll hear about some of the dangers of letting too much time pass between conflict and resolution. Along the way, you'll get some biblical, practical advice about dealing with anger the right way. Now, let's get started with today's Destined for Victory message, Developing an Honorable Lifestyle.
Paul Sheppard: Be angry and do not sin. Here's point number two. The first of the seven points we saw last week was when you speak, tell the truth. Here's the second way that you got to put on newness, embrace newness. I worded it this way: Manage your anger appropriately. Jot that down if you're making notes. Don't just when you speak, tell the truth, but number two, manage your anger appropriately. All right, let's walk through that. Now, I need you to look at the fact that Paul said that you as a believer have the right to be angry. We need to start there. Some people think that Christianity is just that false grin, and you walk around grinning all the time. That's not walking with Jesus. Jesus wasn't even happy all the time. You say, "Where'd you get that from?" Well, right out of the Bible. There are times when anger is appropriate. Let me just give you an example from Jesus' ministry. Matthew chapter 21, verse 12, after he came back to Jerusalem, en route to his destiny of being nailed to the cross, when he gets back to town, when he gets to the temple courts and sees the merchandising that's going on in the place where God's presence is supposed to be, look at what Jesus did. Matthew 21:12. "Then Jesus went into the temple of God and watch this, and drove out all those who bought and sold in the temple and overturned the tables of the money changers and the seats of those who sold doves." Do you see what Jesus did? He didn't go in there and say, "Dear ones, would you please clear this out? This is so inappropriate." That's not what Jesus did. He drove folk out. He didn't ask them to leave. He was tossing people. And you need to know sloppy agape is not an accurate representation of a faith walk. Sometimes it is appropriate to be angry. Sometimes what has happened to you, what has been done to you is not right. What has been said to you is not right. Sometimes anger is the only appropriate response. So you ought to be glad that Paul said, "When you're angry, make sure you don't sin." So what does that tell you? That tells you that anger isn't necessarily inappropriate, but you need to make sure that your anger doesn't lead you into sin. I hope everyone understands that. This is so important. God wants us to be people who properly manage our emotions, especially the ones that could take you left, and you need to properly manage them, and so he says, "Be angry, but do not sin." Look at the rest of verse 26 of Ephesians 4. He says, "Do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil." Look at that again. "Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold" is the way it's put in NIV. In New King James, it says, "that don't let the sun go down on your wrath." When you're angry, it means the same thing. Nor give place to the devil. All right. In other words, what do you find in that passage as we're looking at how to manage your anger appropriately? He says, "Don't let anger fester." That's why he says, "Don't let the sun go down on it." "Don't let anger fester. Don't let it go unresolved, because when anger goes unresolved, it tends to take you into inappropriate thoughts and actions and what have you. Don't let it fester." That's where the danger is when you're not properly handling your current, present-tense anger. So, don't let it fester. That's what he means by don't let the sun go down on it. Well, Pastor, wait a minute, there are times when I'm too angry really to speak properly, and I want to address the issue, but right now I'm just too mad, Pastor. I'll just be honest. I'm just too mad. If I say something now, it's not going to go well. I hear you. I get you. Paul's not saying that you have to speak instantly. He's just saying if you need a little time to step back, if you need a little time to get in the car, drive somewhere, if you need a little time to go in the prayer closet, if you need a little time to just just pull your emotions together, whatever you got to do, you know you. So Paul says, "it's okay, if you need a little moment, fine. But make sure you don't let it just fester, go on and on and on. Don't be one of these people who can be mad for seven, eight, ten days, and everybody know you're mad, nobody know why." I just said something. I just said something. Have you ever met these people? You're not, I ain't say you're this way, but you know people who you know they're mad, everybody who know them know they're mad, but they haven't said a thing to anyone about the why. Paul said, "That is not part of the new life." The new life is you got to manage your anger appropriately. So make sure, if you need a little moment, take your moment, need to get away, change scenery for a bit, change scenery for a bit. But don't go hour after hour after day after day in inappropriate anger that's not being dealt with. That's not proper management of your anger. Don't let it fester. The other thing you learn here in this passage we just read is don't let Satan influence your thoughts, words, or actions. Don't let Satan influence your thoughts, words, or actions. If you're going to manage your anger appropriately, you've got to make sure that you don't let it fester, you're going to speak up when the time is right, when you're in control of your faculties. And then you got to make sure when you speak up or when you act, don't let Satan get involved in your thoughts, words, or actions. This is good. I'm going to need this CD myself. All right. Everybody needs to understand the way to properly manage your anger is, "don't let it go on and on and on and on and on and you haven't addressed it." And secondly, make sure Satan has nothing to do with it. The fact that I'm angry doesn't mean I should give Satan a pass into my affairs with people. No, no. We keep him out of our business as people of God all the time. That's what Paul says. Keep him out of your business all the time. Just cuz I'm angry doesn't mean he gets to ride in on it. Now, he's going to try. He'll love to sit right on your shoulder and say, "Yeah, and you know what? When you start talking, what you need to say is..." And you know how that happens, and something is egging you on to do and to say inappropriate things. "You know how to hurt him real good. All you got to do is," fill in the blank. And Satan is the one giving you those suggestions. Not Satan himself, let me just give you a little theology. When we say Satan, we're talking about the forces of Satan. You have never personally dealt with the single entity Satan. But what you have dealt with are demons that are under his rule. That's what you have. "We wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against," watch this, "principalities" plural, "and powers" plural, "rulers of darkness" plural, "spiritual wickedness in high places" plural. You've never run into Satan himself, but you run into his imps, his demons all the time. Some of them are assigned to you. And they walk around, they hang around with you, looking for openings, looking for opportunities. If you say, "I don't believe in all that." Well, the devil loves it when you don't believe in him and his forces. That means they can wreak all kind of havoc and you'll blame it on somebody else. Oh, this is good. All right, so what you need to do is make sure it doesn't fester if you're going to manage your anger appropriately. Make sure it doesn't fester. And when you're angry, don't let Satan get involved. Don't let him get involved in your thoughts, in your words, in your actions. He'll sit there and tell you, "Say this, you know that'll cut him real deep." And you hear yourself saying something totally inappropriate just to hurt somebody. And you, as a child of God, have got to know that part of the new life is we don't do business that way in the kingdom of God.
Guest (Male): In case you joined us late, you're listening to Destined for Victory, featuring the teaching ministry of Pastor Paul Sheppard. Stay with us, the second half of today's message is straight ahead. One of the things we love to do for friends and listeners like you is to pray for you when you're in need. So if you do have a prayer request, please visit pastorpaul.net and click 'Contact' in the top menu of the homepage to share it with us. Our ministry team is always happy to lift you up in prayer. And of course, when you stop by our website, remember, that's where you can listen to the broadcast on demand at your convenience, pastorpaul.net. Now for more on how to manage your anger the right way, let's get you back to the rest of today's message, Developing an Honorable Lifestyle.
Paul Sheppard: Now, how do you deal with anger appropriately then? You said, "Don't let it fester. Make sure the devil doesn't get involved." What else, Pastor, can you tell me about how to deal with it appropriately? Here's one of the things I want to say. When you have been offended by someone or some entity, whatever it is, when you have been offended, confront the person or people involved personally. What do you mean by that? I mean, Matthew 18:15. Jesus said, "Moreover, if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." Did you see that? You and him alone. "If he hears you, you have gained your brother." But what do you do? He's sinned against you. Somebody, this brother or sister, this isn't gender. A brother or sister, man or woman, has offended you, have sinned against you. What does Jesus say to do? "Go and tell him his fault between you and him alone." If you're going to live the new life, embrace newness. Just because somebody hurt you, somebody offended you, somebody said something wrong or disrespectful or whatever the case might be, you might feel some kind of way. But Jesus said you don't deal with it by talking about that offense to other people. Just because A hurt you, you don't get to run to B and tell B what A did. What you have to learn to do is to do it Jesus' way. Go to A. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" Or if you can't do it face to face, call them on the phone. If you can't call them on the phone, set up a time for them to talk. Whatever it is, but make sure it is between the two of you. Listen, when you did such and such a thing, when you said such and such a thing, I was really offended by that. Go and show them alone. Not other people. Go and show them alone. "Here's how you offended me. Here's how you disrespected me. Here's how you you sinned against me" is the language here. And so, look at how you deal with it appropriately. You confront in a very personal way. It's what Jesus also said in Luke 17:3. In Luke 17:3, Jesus said, "Take heed to yourselves. If your brother sins against you," what does he say? "Rebuke him. And if he repents, forgive him." I like that. Jesus said, "You have the right to rebuke people." That is sort of shaking your finger in their face and saying, "I don't appreciate what you did or said. I don't like it at all." You can say, "You owe me an apology," or "I need you to," whatever it is, but you get to rebuke them. That's a strong word. You get to do that. Why? Cuz your end game is I want us to be at peace. I want us to be unified. But first, I got to tell you what you did or said that I don't appreciate a little bit. And we have to learn, sometimes we refuse to be confrontational and we call it, "I don't really want to disrupt things." Well, the offense already disrupted things. So how are you going to handle the offense? And Jesus says, "If you got to rebuke him, rebuke him. Go and show." And if in going and showing you have to shake your finger, Jesus said that's appropriate cuz the end game there is, I want to gain, I want to win unity back with this person. And so that is the way we do this work of unifying ourselves, remaining unified as the family of God in our relationships. Saints, aren't you tired of dysfunctional relationships? Some of us need to be sick of it. Some of you grew up in a home where dysfunction was the norm. Some of y'all, when we say dysfunction, some people don't know what dysfunction mean. That's cuz it's normal to you. It is dysfunctional, but for you, it's nothing but the family getting together. And y'all been that way all your life. I've seen some families, they're not having family reunion until 911 is called. You know, some folk just that's that's the way they do life. I wonder who going to jail this year. That's just the way they do. They fight, they argue. Listen, some of y'all are used to dysfunction. You got to realize God has a better, higher plan for your relationships. You got more time til the Lord comes get you. You got more time on this earth. Don't spend it being dysfunctional in your relationships. Tell people what they need to know from you directly. There are ways that we can walk in unity. Sometimes you have to agree to disagree. But that's all right. It's okay to agree to disagree as long as you want to be agreeable as you move forward. In families, sometimes you'll never see that issue alike. So quit trying to get everybody on the same page about everything. Sometimes you say, "Well, I'm sorry, I just, I don't see that the way you do." Now, what do we do? Well, what you have to do is say, "Okay, let's agree to disagree and let's find a point where we can remain functional, where we can remain polite, where we can get along and we don't have to always agree." There are some things once you know somebody's position on it and you know you disagree with it, well, stop bringing it up with them. Cuz I know if we bring this up, we're never going to get on the same page. So tell you what, this isn't something that that we can talk about. And so we just figure out how to function. Remember what happened in Acts 15 when Paul and Barnabas were getting ready to go on the second missionary journey? Barnabas said, "Okay, let me go get John Mark and I'll be right back and we can start." Paul said, "No, no, no, he's not going with us." He said, "What do you mean he's not going?" He said, "Cuz he left us the first time. You remember Barnabas. Don't act like you remember what that boy did. That boy left. It got a little hot out there on the road. He went back home to his mama." And so Paul said, "He's not going with me." Well, Barnabas, who is the son of encouragement, he said, "Well, how's he going to learn if we don't give him a second opportunity?" And Paul said, "I don't know how he's going to learn, but he ain't learning going with me." And the two of them had to agree to disagree about discipling John Mark. Barnabas said, "Well, I feel strongly he needs to get out there again." And so he took John Mark and they did their own version of the second missionary journey. Paul found a new companion, a man named Silas, and they did their version of the second missionary journey. Guess what? Even though it wasn't exactly kumbaya, cuz the Bible says the contention between Paul and Barnabas was what was the word it used? Sharp. See, sloppy agape isn't necessarily the right way to go. Sometimes it gets heated among spirit-filled believers. Y'all stop believing that being spirit-filled means you speak in tongues all the time and you grin all the time. Neither is the case. Sometimes you're talking plain English, and sometimes you're frowning and not grinning. But you keep the spirit of unity. I disagree with him. But keep the spirit of unity. How do I know they maintain the spirit of unity? Because by John Mark being discipled more through Barnabas's love and encouragement, he later was able to engage Paul in such a way that when Paul was about to die, he's in prison, soon to be beheaded, in 2 Timothy chapter 4, Paul says these words to his spiritual son, Timothy, "When you come to visit me in prison, bring John Mark with you." Why? Because he's been helpful to me in the ministry. Do you see that? Paul couldn't train him in in Acts 15, he was too upset about the fact that he'd abandoned him before. But this time, years have gone by. John Mark has grown up and matured through the patience of Barnabas. He's been reintroduced into Paul's life. He serves him well. Paul says, "Bring him with you. He's been a great help to me in ministry." Find a way to deal appropriately with your people issues. God expects for us to deal appropriately with anger, with disagreements, with not seeing eye to eye with people. Some of us have got to stop throwing folks away every time we have a disagreement. Some of you all have the gift of tossing people out of your life. That is not God's will. Yes, there are some individuals who have to go because they are toxic, they mean you no good. Paul talked about people like that. He told Timothy, "Watch out for Alexander the coppersmith. He has done me much harm. He knows you're my spiritual son. He'll try to harm you and the church even after I'm gone." Paul knew he was about to leave. He was going to be martyred. He said, "Watch out." There are people you have to watch out for. I need you to balance this thing. On the one hand, we got to learn to manage anger correctly. On the other hand, we got to realize some folk just got to go. When you have somebody who's toxic, they love being toxic. They don't want to be functional, they don't want to grow, they're certainly not going to own their stuff, and so they will do you no good if you keep fooling with them, they're going to take you down.
Guest (Male): Thanks so much for being here with us for today's Destined for Victory with Pastor Paul Sheppard. Today's message, Developing an Honorable Lifestyle, is part of our teaching series, Embracing the New. Look for it online at pastorpaul.net.
Paul Sheppard: Do you realize some people are taking you down by themselves, just by virtue of the fact that you've given them direct access to your inner world? They're dragging you down. Oh, you know what I'm talking about. You know the type of folk, some people who you have been worse off because they have been in your inner circle. They are in your circle of influence.
Guest (Male): That's tomorrow in our continuing message, Developing an Honorable Lifestyle. But until then, remember, he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion. In Christ, you are destined for victory.